You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
