the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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