Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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