my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
