for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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