She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
