Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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