Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
