College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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