does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
