You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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