OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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