it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
