:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
