It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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