ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
