I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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