...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
