Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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