Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too