He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war