Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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