your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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