On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
