Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
