the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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