and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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