A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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