and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
