I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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