the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize