ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
