we have pet lesbian snakes
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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