How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
