mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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