My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
