we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
