You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
