I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
