I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
