Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
