her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
