12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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