I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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