Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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