Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
