It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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