apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
