I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
