My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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