There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I touched a dick in church today
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