Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
