Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
