I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All the doctor said was why
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
