there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
