Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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