I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
