Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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