you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
