I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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