I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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