Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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